so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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