I love black thongs
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
