I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry about my life...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
