yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
