Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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