Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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