she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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