Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
