hotel room ftw
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
