I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
