Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
