ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize