I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
