Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
