i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
