shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
