He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
