I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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