pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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