nut hugger
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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