My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
