my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
