Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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