Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize