'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
