I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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