I want to walk on stilts...naked
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
