My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
