I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
