What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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