why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
