from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
