I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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