I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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