Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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