I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize