zippers are such a cool invention
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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