My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
