its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
