I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
