Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
