he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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