We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
