You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
