I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
