I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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