I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
