I bet he comes in French.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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