Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
