I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
