I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she told me i tasted like america
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
