she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
