3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I enjoy the company of your penis
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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