Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
