i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
