In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
