I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
