Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
