Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
