I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
