I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
