Plan B is the new Plan A
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
