We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize