hotel room ftw
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the condom got lost in my hair
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize